Faking It [or Not].

I recently stumbled upon the blog Faking It during my Sunday ritual of reading PostSecret.

The owner is a self-professed “make-believe Mormon”.

I read her posts on occasion and this one in particular caught my attention. To be more exact her closing of the post really made me think :

“Looking back, of course, I realise that I was impossibly young. Young, and naive. I felt like this was my only chance at love. In reality, it was just my first time experiencing it. Not that I’m saying it wasn’t something special; it was, but I shouldn’t have been so desperate to make it permanent that I’d ignore important things like, you know, RELIGION.

Live and learn, my friends, live and learn.”

How often do we as human beings “fake it” for the sake of trying to make people we love happy? I’m not just talking of romantic love either. It can be love for a parent, a sibling, a friend, a mentor… it doesn’t matter what kind of love, but I feel as though we’ve all pretended to be interested in things or believed in things to feel like there’s a bond with someone else. To try and make oneself believe that a connection is there whether it exists or does not, we’ll lie to ourselves until it does. But then when does the lie stop? How can we keep fiction from blurring with reality?

Here’s a few pieces of my own truth :

I’ve found myself looking into the eyes of a crush who smiles then says he really enjoys reading Dostoevsky. Transfixed by his crooked grin, I smile back, nod & say, “Me too.” Or a friend I admire who tells me her favorite band is White Town. Never wanting to feel out of the loop I say, “No way! No one I know likes them!” Each time I find myself telling these fibs I think… why in the world would I lie about that? Yet, if I’m to be completely honest these little white lies led me to actually reading Dostoevsky—both The Brothers Karamozov & The Idiot are two of my favorite books. Moreover, White Town’s Your Woman has had a permanent place on my playlist for years.

I guess when I think about it, a lot of those little bits of fiction I spewed happened at a time that I was a lot less sure of who I was and who I wanted to become. Now, those untruths are a bit of a rarity. But in those moments of self-doubt when they spring up like word vomit, how do you keep them from snowballing into faking one’s entire day to day like “The Faker”? How long can a person put up with a life that?

I know enough of myself now that if I don’t like something or believe in something I will no longer pretend that I do. Those small bits of fiction will eventually catch up to me and I would much rather spend my time waiting to meet someone who shares my interests than waiting for a tangled web of lies to unravel. Wouldn’t you?

*** Note : If “The Faker” sounded at all interesting to you, visit her site—her own words are the best description of what she’s all about.

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4 thoughts on “Faking It [or Not].

  1. Wow! Okay, this is going to sound so funny, but I’m reading Dostoeyevsky’s “The Idiot” now because the guy that I like has it listed as his favorite books. I’m enjoying it SO much, and I just searched wordpress to see if anyone had written anything about the book, which was how I found your blog. Insane…
    But I think the faking only happens with people we love for a reason. I mean we respect them enough to trust their taste, right?

  2. But that’s the thing, if we actually like it we’re not really “faking” it right? I just think there are too many people who pretend to like or be interested in something that they’re not if only to feel closer or create a connection with someone they like or admire which is kind of a sad concept, no?

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