Apparently, I’m offensive.

On Monday afternoon, I ran outside of my office building to an awning in order to avoid the rain. I took out my pack of girlish Capris & had my first break of the day. Whilst trying to enjoy the five minutes I had outside, a man appeared before me and yelled this at my face:

I should call the f*ckin’ INS. F*ckin’ Beijing motherf*cker.

…then stormed off as angry as he had walked up but without yelling or cursing at anyone else on the street.

Mind you, I realize that New York can be full of crazies but this man seemed like a totally normal, albeit rather antagonized, human being. I also haven’t had anyone say something like that to me in such a direct and offensive manner in almost ten years. And no, I did not retaliate with vulgar words of my own. I could only stand in shock that my presence on a street, just trying to stay dry & enjoy a rather sullen day, would offend someone so much that they would react in that manner.

I also thought I had let it go & that it hadn’t bothered me all that much, but I’ve felt so incredibly tired today & the memory of it nags in my head.

Maybe it’s also the fact that I work at an international school & come across different ethnicities, cultures & religions on a daily basis. It shocks me that this kind of thinking still exists.

To clarify, angry stranger : I’m Filipino, not from Beijing and it’s called the ICE now. If you’re going to try and deport a US Citizen by calling immigration, you should probably get the name right [it stands for US Immigration and Customs Enforcement if you were curious].

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Cupid, Sex & Spongebob.

I’m a curious person so when my friend told me she had joined OkCupid.com & suggested that I do the same I figured, why not?

Now before you skeptics come out, the site is not solely used for online dating [despite it’s cheesy name]. The best way I can describe it is that it’s like facebook for strangers with all the analyses of eharmony but without the pretentiousness & the price tag [it’s free]. Whenever you look at a person’s profile it “matches” you based on the chances that you will be a good couple, friends or enemies. So far it’s been a great way to have conversations with people that I actually have things in common with. I even had coffee with someone I met from the site the other day.

And yes, there’s a stigma against meeting people that you meet online but when I think about it, I might spend about 15 minutes talking [or yelling depending on the volume of music & crowd] to some guy at a bar—who probably really just wants to do a bit of horizontal action with me—before deciding whether or not I think he’s interesting enough to give my number to or to even continue speaking with. Whereas through the site I have a chance to correspond with them, or even chat with them [again similar to facebook], and find out much more about them than I ever would meeting a guy on a random street corner on a Saturday night. When I really think about it, both creeps and nice guys exist EVERYWHERE so why limit myself to streets of New York City when I also have the vastness of the world wide web at my fingertips?

It also doesn’t hurt that the site gives me huge boosts to my ego on the daily. A bot on the site suggested that I take a personality quiz and I am apparently a Playstation :

Random Gentle Sex Master (RGSM)

Easy to turn on. Hard to beat. You are The Playstation.

You’re a nice girl, and you have lots of sex. It’s therefore highly likely that you’re attractive, and you’re certainly outgoing & friendly. Plus, this healthy physical attitude of yours indicates deeper emotional well-being and stability. Unheard of. When guys dare to dream, they dream of you.

You don’t get attached too easily, and, to wit, you’re not necessarily looking for something long-term right now. That’s a bigger asset than you know. Though, physically speaking, you’re open to anything, you’re keeping your emotional side well-protected. This means there won’t be a lot of wreckage to clean up whenever you decide to settle down.

In the meantime, the men you share yourself with actually respect you. Like them, you enjoy sex for its own sake and don’t need any other validation for pleasure than pleasure itself. Hopefully, you have the good sense to blow off anyone who thinks less of you for that. Usually, this is the part of the description where we offer some life-correcting advice, but honestly, we can’t think of anything about you we’d change. Keep on fucking, partner.

I doubt that anyone dreams of me but it’s nice to be told that nonetheless. Oh and if you want to take it yourself, click here. You don’t have to sign up so click, click, click. But I do recommend joining the site if you’re at all interested. It’s fun, random & if you’re ever bored you can take a quiz or two that actually makes you evaluate yourself.

On a completely random & unrelated note I found out the other day that the characters of Bob & his squarepants are supposed to represent the seven deadly sins :

Patrick for Sloth, Squidward for Wrath, Sandy for Pride, Mr. Krabs for Greed, Gary for Gluttony, Plankton for Jealousy, and Spongebob for Lust.

Crrrazycakes.

Faking It [or Not].

I recently stumbled upon the blog Faking It during my Sunday ritual of reading PostSecret.

The owner is a self-professed “make-believe Mormon”.

I read her posts on occasion and this one in particular caught my attention. To be more exact her closing of the post really made me think :

“Looking back, of course, I realise that I was impossibly young. Young, and naive. I felt like this was my only chance at love. In reality, it was just my first time experiencing it. Not that I’m saying it wasn’t something special; it was, but I shouldn’t have been so desperate to make it permanent that I’d ignore important things like, you know, RELIGION.

Live and learn, my friends, live and learn.”

How often do we as human beings “fake it” for the sake of trying to make people we love happy? I’m not just talking of romantic love either. It can be love for a parent, a sibling, a friend, a mentor… it doesn’t matter what kind of love, but I feel as though we’ve all pretended to be interested in things or believed in things to feel like there’s a bond with someone else. To try and make oneself believe that a connection is there whether it exists or does not, we’ll lie to ourselves until it does. But then when does the lie stop? How can we keep fiction from blurring with reality?

Here’s a few pieces of my own truth :

I’ve found myself looking into the eyes of a crush who smiles then says he really enjoys reading Dostoevsky. Transfixed by his crooked grin, I smile back, nod & say, “Me too.” Or a friend I admire who tells me her favorite band is White Town. Never wanting to feel out of the loop I say, “No way! No one I know likes them!” Each time I find myself telling these fibs I think… why in the world would I lie about that? Yet, if I’m to be completely honest these little white lies led me to actually reading Dostoevsky—both The Brothers Karamozov & The Idiot are two of my favorite books. Moreover, White Town’s Your Woman has had a permanent place on my playlist for years.

I guess when I think about it, a lot of those little bits of fiction I spewed happened at a time that I was a lot less sure of who I was and who I wanted to become. Now, those untruths are a bit of a rarity. But in those moments of self-doubt when they spring up like word vomit, how do you keep them from snowballing into faking one’s entire day to day like “The Faker”? How long can a person put up with a life that?

I know enough of myself now that if I don’t like something or believe in something I will no longer pretend that I do. Those small bits of fiction will eventually catch up to me and I would much rather spend my time waiting to meet someone who shares my interests than waiting for a tangled web of lies to unravel. Wouldn’t you?

*** Note : If “The Faker” sounded at all interesting to you, visit her site—her own words are the best description of what she’s all about.

Bake Away My Blues.

Despite my best efforts, I woke up once again with a fever. As per my doctor’s orders, I’m staying home and trying not to stress out too much over what I should be doing at work whilst I lounge around in my apartment.

Unfortunately, lounging is not a skill that I excel at so after making some ariscaldo (a Filipino rice & chicken soup) for breakfast, I had to find SOMETHING to stifle my boredom. So… I baked.

Surprised?

In my formative years, I was actually a regular Betty Crocker whipping up cupcakes, brownies, & cookies then forcing my family members to serve as my guinea pigs whenever I tried out new recipes. I had actually forgotten how therapeutic baking can be. ♥

The result : red velvet cake with cream cheese frosting.

The cake itself is dairy-free (see recipe here) though the frosting is store-bought and definitely not for those who are lactose challenged like me. [Here’s another I found that I might try another day : Red Velvet Cake with Velvet Frosting]

My roommate happened to come home just as I had finished frosting and helped me out by being my first taste tester.

She gave it her stamp of approval.

As for me, I’m still forgoing dairy as promised for Lent so scraps and soy milk will have to do (it was delicious if I may say so myself).

Now what should I busy myself with next? Oh, yeah. I’m supposed to be ‘relaxing’…