fate, vampires & a new focus.

I used to read my horoscope in an almost religious fashion. Any magazine, paper or website that purported to predict my future or decipher my current situation always seemed to find it’s way into my greedy hands. This went on for several years until one day I decided to avoid reading such things. The reason was two-fold—

[one] I wanted to believe that I am the maker of my own fate.

and

[two] Reading or evening glancing at a string of words that seemed to project a knowledge of my past, present or future, influenced my own analyses of any given situation thereby causing me to make decisions, however conscious or subconscious, based on the alignment of the stars (probably not the most reliable source to go by).

Lately though, I’ve found myself reverting back to my old habit. It all started because of the ever-so-popular website astrologyzone.com which was recommended to me by a friend (I blame my spiral into relapse on him). I promised myself I would only read Susan Miller’s once a month predictions, but soon after I found myself scouring the web for daily horoscopes. Boo.

Today’s horoscope though seemed dead on—

Your thoughts are dreamy, fantastic, and faraway right now. Your imagination and intuition is heightened, which benefits any creative or artistic work you may do. However, your practical reasoning ability and your ability to focus on the here-and-now are diminished. Your judgement regarding concrete matters is a bit fuzzy at this time, so you may wish to delay making important decisions.

I’ve never been one to get lost in my daydreaming, nor do I often fantasize about things that don’t at least have a touch of the realistic yet lately I find myself drifting off into my own little Ena world in which impossible situations come to life in my head. I’ve also been having vivid dreams of vampires trapping me and groups of strangers in a building in which the only saving grace is reaching the 5th floor and a room made of glass.

So, so strange.

This post in and of itself speaks to the scattered state of my mind. I’m sure it makes no sense to anyone but me… though it is helping me a bit to gather my frayed thoughts into something that I at least find comprehensible.

I think this is all because I’m leaving for the Philippines. Whenever I go, whether I mean to or not, I completely separate myself from my life in the United States. I avoid computers, run around a lot and spend my time being the country girl that I am. Maybe my mind is just getting ready for the 3 weeks I’ll be spending staring at clouds as I lay in a rice field. Or maybe I’m just losing my mind.

Regardless, I am very much looking forward to this trip.

I am going to take those 3 weeks to stop fussing over the trivialities I’ve been focusing on for the last few months. I’m determined to clear my head.

My main focus is to stop thinking on what will never be, and instead appreciate what’s to come.

Ah. Therapy in the form of home.

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